Wow!

I did it! Let’s throw streamers and confetti, please!

Thirty days. Thirty posts. Lots of fluff, images and not so awesome content. But, 30 posts! I DID IT!

WOW! It’s incredible and awesome. No matter what I did it. Now? The hard part is to keep up with posting without the incentive of completing this task.

It’ll be hard. I tell you. I have a problem with concentration. But I’m going to try to post with some regularity. For me.

Let’s party now. Tomorrow? December starts! A month for baking and parties and lots and lots of fun! Let the party continue.

Even though I was successful in posting every day, I know I really wasn’t successful.

Most posts were fluff.

At least now I know I can post everyday. However, I may need to try this again soon, since I want some actual content to be involved.

See? My mind is constantly doing that.

I cannot concentrate on having posted for 29 continuous days. I need to hate the fact that my content wasn’t what I wanted it to be.

I cannot allow myself one small victory.

I need to dwell on its imperfections.

Guilt is my constant companion on this journey. I am not good enough, I am not doing enough, I am not worthy. I SHOULD be like…

You know. Constantly. It’s a never ending struggle. I want to get off. I keep trying to get off that path. I have good days. Busy happy days. I am SO eternally blessed.

But I can’t shake it.

Powerless.

Give up. That’s what I always want to do. Giving up sounds easy and it would take away all of the pain and pressure. Or so my mind would have me believe. Giving up would only bring a second layer of guilt. As it’s done before. Guilt is not my friend, as I’ve said. So, hard as it may be… Even if the fight goes on forever, giving up is not an option.

The train is coming.

Let’s take a breath.

Rejoice in the good.

Tomorrow is a new day.

I can’t write today.

Monday does terrible things to me. I SHOULD be happy. I had a wonderful weekend, spent time with family and friends, BAKED!!! and even rested. Yet, today, all of my inspiration is negative words and negative feelings. I. Will. Not. Allow. It.

Not today.

I hope you’re having a good day.

“There are dreamers, and there are realists in this world. You’d think the dreamers would find the dreamers and the realists would find the realists but more often than not, the opposite is true.

You see, the dreamers need the realists to keep them from soaring too close to the sun.
And the realists?

Well, without the dreamers, they might not ever get off the ground.”

- Ben Karlin, Modern Family, 2011

In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy.

 

Sometimes, it’s good to grab some warmth and air.

Missing a partner in crime today. So I had these for lunch. I hope she’s having a great time! (and not missing me at all)

And these sweet plantain chips? They are addictive and amazing.

But not really.