Change

Work

I can’t believe I’m actually LOOKING FORWARD to going back to work tomorrow. Mind you, I would always prefer to stay home, watch movies, play rockband and use the computer all day with my husband… But It’s amazing that I’ve made peace with my job.

It still sucks the life out of me somedays, and I’m terribly overworked and underpaid (compared to my coworkers, mind you, I would never complain about my wages, I have enough)… But, I like it now. I’m getting better every day (I THINK) and I think that my boss is a very intelligent observant and respectful person…

I spent 3 of the last 4 years dreading going to work. Work and my unfullfilled family goals had me in a deep deep deep depression. God Bless my husband and my family for not running from the crazy woman I’d become. I am far from OK. I have a lot of work to do and I honestly am unsure that I’ll ever be able to do it. But just coming to terms with the reality of my situation is refreshing in and of itself.

Yes, I finally enjoy my work. It was always there, temporary joys at jobs well done… But now, I can actually see it, feel it and feel better for it. I am praying that I will continue to get better, for I have lots to learn and far to go. I hope that I will become better for it, and that I will finally be able to move forward, instead of remaining in this deadly funk.

Me

I’m happy! I will be going on vacation with my WHOLE family (Lord, please let us LIVE through this LOL) next weekend. My brother, sisters, their significant others, my mommy, daddy, and my nieces and nephews! I will be sooo happy being the designated baby sitter for as long as possible!!! Can’t wait!

I need to work on a bunch of stuff still. Sadness overflows too easily. Especially when I see my beautiful nieces and nephews and think of that which I don’t have. But I’m working on it. There’s no reason for that. I should consider myself UBER lucky for all that I have.

A wonderful family, a job, my house, food to eat, good (few, but GOOD) friends, and a wonderful, loving man I am madly in love with. What more could I ask for?

Before I go, I wanted to share a beautiful picture. I saw it and it made me think, a lot. I’ve read about the deadly, horrible fires that sweep over the western US. This picture shows one of those deadly fires.

It is by Mark Thiessen / National Geographic Magazine.

Fire

Something so beautiful can cause such incredible devastation…

After the fire

But then, after the fire, there is new growth. Stronger, healthier, fed from the devastation…

I share this, because I’m hoping the fire that has been burning me has gone. I’m hoping that what I’m feeling is the new growth. I’m hoping that that which was so painful can become something beautiful when I look back on it. I’m hoping it’s the change I was waiting for.

Advertisements