Tomorrow is the last day of this month of posting.
Even though I was successful in posting every day, I know I really wasn’t successful.
Most posts were fluff.
At least now I know I can post everyday. However, I may need to try this again soon, since I want some actual content to be involved.
See? My mind is constantly doing that.
I cannot concentrate on having posted for 29 continuous days. I need to hate the fact that my content wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
I cannot allow myself one small victory.
I need to dwell on its imperfections.
Guilt is my constant companion on this journey. I am not good enough, I am not doing enough, I am not worthy. I SHOULD be like…
You know. Constantly. It’s a never ending struggle. I want to get off. I keep trying to get off that path. I have good days. Busy happy days. I am SO eternally blessed.
But I can’t shake it.
Powerless.
Give up. That’s what I always want to do. Giving up sounds easy and it would take away all of the pain and pressure. Or so my mind would have me believe. Giving up would only bring a second layer of guilt. As it’s done before. Guilt is not my friend, as I’ve said. So, hard as it may be… Even if the fight goes on forever, giving up is not an option.
The train is coming.
Let’s take a breath.
Rejoice in the good.
Tomorrow is a new day.
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